Wednesday, March 2, 2016

"It's BODYSHRED, baby!"

“It’s ‘Bodyshred’, Baby!”, I heard as I stumbled over to the DVD player and silenced my good old friend, Jillian Michaels.  With sweat pouring from my face and nausea building in my stomach, I crawled over to the cool kitchen floor and sprawled out.  “Why do I do this to myself…”, I asked.  I had just finished the first of 8 new workout videos by fitness guru, Jillian Michael’s entitled “Bodyshred”.  Each video is 30 minutes long and every 2 weeks you switch to new videos that are more physically challenging.
Six weeks into the training of 30 minutes a day, 6 days a week, I found myself in front of a scale.  You see, I don’t own a scale, but now there just happened to be one in the fabulous downtown Chicago hotel that my husband picked out to celebrate my birthday.  I stepped on and waited completely expecting to have lost at least double digits…..but then SURPRISE! I gained 4 pounds!  I was devastated!  My husband tried to console me with talk of “it’s gained muscle” but the number stuck in my head.  I thought about the nice calorie filled breakfast sandwich I had that day from mcdonalds and the pizza I had for lunch, and I headed straight to the hotel gym determined to run off those extra 4 pounds. 
The gym was gorgeous and clean with apples stocked in the minifridge and a keurig looking cold water dispenser.  It had a nice row of treadmills facing the new Trump Tower and the Chicago River.  I picked out a treadmill and realized that it had been at least a year since I stepped foot on one of these.  Fears started running through my head…..”what if I fall and people laugh, I’ll be all scraped up for our nice Chicago dinner tonight, what if this treadmill malfunctions and I fly straight through the window and fall 4 stories down to my death.”…..yeah, that thought seriously crossed my mind.  But I threw out those thoughts and started running. 
Power, I felt pure power!  Before Bodyshred, I had never really seriously strength trained.  Sure, I had run long distances and seen how amazing the body can train and adapt to make 12 miles feel like 2.  But I had never in my life felt what it was like to run with strength trained muscles.  I ran 3 miles without barely breaking a sweat or speeding up my breath.  It felt absolutely incredible!  For those of you who know me well, you know that running is one of my favorite worship times with God.  I’m not sure exactly how it works out this way….maybe it has something to do with part of my brain being so focused on the physical aspect of running that I can’t get distracted by other little things.  My sole focus remains on God and running becomes a complete act of worship.  On that day in Chicago, after allowing that number on the scale to flood me into all kinds of insecurities, I regained my confidence by experiencing the truth.  I had gained muscle and I had gained power and it took me actually running it out see that.  And I had the most wonderful time with God during that run because of it!
My point to all of this is for us to not get so focused on the “number” that we forget, or can’t see, the great work God is doing in us.  Maybe your aren’t seeing the results that you had hoped for and you find yourself questioning God…. “God, I thought more people would join my small group…..God, I thought by now I’d be serving your people on the fields of Africa….God, I thought by now this co-worker or family member would believe in you.”  And this kind of thinking can open up a whole can of insecurities… “I’m just not fun enough, I’m don’t have enough qualifications,  there has to be something wrong with me that God isn’t using in that way….”  Know that “you are clothed in strength and dignity”(proverbs 31:25) and before God formed you in the womb He knew you, before you were born He set you apart (Jeremiah 1:5).  He has a magnificent plan and purpose for your life that is uniquely yours.  No other person  could do what God has in store for you.  So keep up with your “strength training”!  You pray, you read your Bible, you surround yourself with friends who encourage you in the faith, and you cast aside the lie of the “number” and acknowledge the great work God is doing in you! And above all, hold onto the truth that you have a Savior who loves you so incredibly much….and THAT is always more than enough!

Tuesday, August 25, 2015


I am captivated by the song “Exhale” by Plumb recently.  She has intrigued me since I heard one of her songs for the first time called “Lord, I’m ready now”.  This first song hit me hard as I was going through a large battle with insecurity.  God began showing me that the thought of “I’ve always been like that” or “I’ve always been shy” is just a lie and an excuse.   I would make excuses for not going or wanting to go to an event with larger numbers of people.  But God began asking me why.   What He showed me were my very own crippling insecurities, and He gave me tools of how to overcome them.  In “Lord I’m ready now”, Plumb talks about how she feels exposed and all her walls are down and how that’s beautiful.  She talks about how she wants to make this life count by being who God has made her.  The real her.  It’s such a freeing song.

Now her newest song “Exhale” is so great.  The first lyric is, “It’s ok to not be ok.” How many women need to hear that! It’s so freeing to just “be” in the Father’s arms whether it’s joyful, sorrowful, frustrated, upset, and not ok.  He can handle our every emotion.  Bring it to Him.
“No matter what you’ve done or who you are everyone is welcome in His arms”.  I feel like I screw up every day.  I let my emotions get the best of me.  I say things that I shouldn’t.  I can’t control my mouth.  But I am so thankful that there is nothing I can do or say that will separate me from my Father’s arms.  And praise God that He shows me the error of my ways and loves me enough to show me how to be more like Him.

“Oh God we breathe in your grace, we breathe in your grace and exhale.  We do not exist for us but to share your grace and love…and exhale.”  Isn’t that just it! Isn’t that the purpose of life in a nutshell!  I feel like I’m really just starting to grasp my mind around the immense beauty and power of God’s grace.  I grew up always knowing the salvation story and I am so thankful for that.  But I think always knowing has made the concept of grace too familiar.  It’s like I got too used to hearing about it.  And the concept of “breathing it in” is so wonderful!  How God freely offers it to us every day and we get to choose to breathe in it’s freshness and beauty or ignore it because it’s always been there.  I wish I could say that I daily breathe it in, but I know I don’t.  I can easily choose to follow my selfish desires and pity parties and miss the power and vastness of the daily Grace God has given me.  To breathe in God’s grace, be completely filled by God, not by myself or this world, and exhale.  To exhale his grace uniquely through my body, my personality into the world because God loves people and God loves me…..I LOVE this!

So what are you exhaling?  Does your breath reek with cynicism, rude comments, anger, frustrations, or selfishness?   Or does it exude encouragement, truthfulness, love, courage, and fierce bravery in Christ? Are we the “aroma that brings death” or the “aroma that brings life” (2nd Corinthians 2:16)?  Or are you barely breathing at all: are you  too overwhelmed with the stresses of life to even think about it or are the distractions of a first world country clouding your heart and minds from what truly is important in life?

“Just let go let His love wrap around you
And hold you close
Get lost in the surrender
Breathe it in until your heart breaks
Then exhale”

Sunday, June 21, 2015

No meat, no dairy, no nuts! (my experience on the Daniel Fast)

My Experience on the “Daniel Fast”
“I ate no choice food; no meat or wine touched my lips….until the three weeks were over.” Daniel 10:3

21 days ago I embarked on a physical, spiritual, emotional adventure called the Daniel Fast.  It’s a partial fast designed to “feed your soul, strengthen your spirit, and renew your body”.   It’s based off of the story of Daniel in the Bible.  When the Israelites were overtaken by Babylon, the King took some of the wisest Hebrew men to serve him.  Daniel was among them.  The King gave them the finest foods and wines to eat to strengthen them.  However, these foods were sacrificed to false Gods.  Daniel would rather die than deny the One true God by eating sinful sacrifices.  So he pleaded with the King’s messenger to allow them to eat only things that came from the ground and to only drink water (for those items were not sacrificed to false Gods).  The King’s servant allowed it and when he checked in on him in 10 days, Daniel and his fellow Hebrews were stronger and wiser that all the other men who ate the meat and drank the wine. 

The world says that you are crazy to give up eating foods like cheese, milk, meat, fast food, anything containing sugar, coffee, and pop, but the truth is, I am blessed to have a choice to do so.  My first feeling of this process was a deep humility in the fact that there are many people who live on less that what I was eating on the fast, and they do not have a choice.  It taught me to be truly grateful for my food no matter what the type.

It was eye opening to see the emotional and physical attachment I had with food.  Day 1 of the fast I vomited twice!  I used to only drink ½ cup of coffee in the morning and one pop at night.  I didn’t think that was enough caffeine to worry about having severe withdrawls.  But I was wrong.  I was so sick.  And as I sat crouched by the toilet, I couldn’t help but doubt and wonder why in the world I would do this to myself.  But looking back I can see how that uncomfortable withdrawl opened my eyes to the physical stronghold of caffeine on my body.  I was also made aware of the mental stronghold.  Before, I always had to have my cup of coffee in the morning.  It brought me joy, I looked forward to it, and I would say that I needed it.  Now, being 3 weeks free from any coffee or caffeine, I can surely say it is not necessary to function.  It truly isn’t.  On week three, I felt fine, if not better in the mornings with just a glass of water.

The first week I felt so extremely tired and constantly hungry.  All I could focus on was my “flesh”.  My regular morning prayer time was more like morning nap time.  As my body was weeding out the old toxins I was used to, I was feeling the pain.  Looking back, it really painted a physical picture of what sin looks like.  When you eat crappy food so much like I used to, your body gets used to it.  Same thing with things like sin, you get used to gossiping, lusting over things you shouldn’t, envy, anger, jealously and you live in it. It doesn’t feel all that bad because why would it, “everyone else is doing it.” But once you allow God to start detoxifying your life, just like detoxifying the body, it is super hard at first, but then the breakthrough appears.  You don’t realize how good you can feel in freedom from past sinful habits or eating habits until you actual feel what good is!
It was about halfway through that I started feeling better and God gave me complete self control over food.  I got used to the balance of being satisfied and being ok with hunger.  The cravings weren’t that bad.  And I started allowing God to control what I was eating.  He would tell me when to stop and what was ok to eat and when.  I remember in the “Daniel Fast” book, Susan Gregory said that one of the goals of the fast was to make holy spirit led decisions about food.  I doubted.  I thought, does God really care about what we eat ? Didn’t Jesus did make all foods clean and ok to eat?  But it’s more than just the food.   A gift of the holy spirit is self control and God wants us to have that.  With self control over food, you can be more energized, more available, more attentive to the spirit and what God has for you on that specific day.  Instead of focusing on how tired you are and where your next cup of coffee is coming from, you can focus on complete dependence and trust on God.  Let me tell you something true: Our God is greater than caffeine, and He is so able to make any person a morning person!

It truly was the last few days that were the hardest.  I was really tired of chopping up veggies, cooking, and eating beans!  I yearned for some meat and cheese.  I persisted and on my first day back to regular food, I was so happy to eat an omelet for breakfast and a turkey sandwich for lunch!  I had never been as thankful for “normal” food as I was on that day.  And on that day, I felt different….I felt really free, super free.  You see, it wasn’t all about the food.  I tapped into self control through food and it bled into my mind and heart.  God is so faithful!  Other battles I was facing spiritually were won.  And I do not write this to boast of anything I did.  God led me to this and God guided me through this and I am so thankful.  So if you are struggling with self control, whether it’s with food, money, relationships, or any type of addiction, talk to God about fasting.  And when He says “do it!”, you obey.  It will change your life for He is “able to accomplish far more than all we ask or imagine, by the power at work within us, to Him be the glory.” Ephesians 3:20

For more information about the Daniel Fast check out this website or ask me any questions your wish!:

Sunday, January 18, 2015

"Dagon" IT!!!!

The end of this week, I started reading through 1st Samuel in the Bible.  I had never noticed this particular event quite like God showed me this time.  The Philistines had just defeated Israel and had captured Israel's most holy and precious possession, the ark of the Covenant.  The ark was the stone tablets that God had written on and given to Moses which always traveled with the Israelite people wherever they would go.  Now, the Philistines were polytheists, meaning they believed and worshiped many gods.  So when they captured the ark of the Covenant, they decided to place it in the temple of one of their gods named "Dagon", right next to some man made statue of him.  The next morning, the people went into the temple and found Dagon lying prone on the ground in front of the ark.  So they picked up their man made god and placed him back in his allotted spot.  The following morning, they found Dagon once again prone before the ark but this time his hands and head had been broken off from his trunk.  
It was at this point that I started laughing.  I started picturing all the ways God could have done this.  He could have just struck Dagon down from heaven both times, with the second time having a little more force.  But that unfolding of events didn't fulfill my intrigued imagination quite as well as picturing an angel with a big smirk on his face, lifting Dagon off his pedestal and placing him on the ground.  I can see him watching the next day and giggling at the faces of the unexpecting Philistines as they see their "god" worshiping the one true God.  As the Philistines place Dagon back on his proper spot, I can see the face of the angel waiting with eager expectation for what he's allowed to do next.  He takes Dagon and pulls him apart limb by limb and then finally pops off his little man made head.  The next day he watches as the Philistines enter, mouths wide open in awe and fear as they see their "god" broken in pieces before the Lord Almighty.  Oh, I would give more than a "penny for their thoughts" on that day. 
I don't mean for one second to downplay the amazing power and sovereignty of God by laughing, but I believe God enjoys humor.  I believe he also uses humor and laughter to teach us just as he uses sorrow and pain to help us grow in relationship with Him.  In my job, I experience a lot of death, sorrow, frustrations, tense emotional conflicts, and pain.  I know I deal with animals but with every animal there's a person and every person there is a story.  I also experience a lot of joy, love, excitement, and silly moments but for some reason I allow them to be clouded out by the bad. Just 30 minutes prior to picking up my Bible and reading this story, I had asked God to show me to be more light hearted.  To melt away all the sadness I had allowed to build up in my heart by His love and laughter.  Then, he gives me this, an early morning comedy show sent by the Creator of the universe just to loosen me up.  Praise be to God for creating laughter that has enough power to soothe the soul. 

Sunday, October 12, 2014

A Mover and a Shaker

I was driving home recently from a friend’s baby shower when a great worship song came on the radio.  That day had already been such a wonderful Sunday.  I went to church, spent my drive to the baby shower in prayer, caught up with some great friends, and I was filled with joy.  The song “Great I AM” came on the radio and I was just like, oh man this is such a great praise song describing the glory, power, and love of God.  I couldn’t help but sing…horribly, but I started to sing like never before….loud, proud and off key!   Then, the station started fading out, first with a little static blotting out a few words here and there.  Then, it started completely covering up the entire song.  At first, I was disappointed, but I thought, “you know what, I’m gonna keep singing.”  So I did.  And I immediately felt God throw in a little teaching moment as He reminded me of what I’d been struggling all week to do.  I could hear Him telling me in my soul that, “No matter how loud life gets with cultural noise, drama, craziness, busyness, sinfulness…..all the static that tries to quench His spirit within me, I need to rise above that and push upward to hear Him, praise Him, be bolder and louder than the noise.  No matter how much I think my voice may not be perfect or my day may not be how I think it should be, I still need to surpass the hectic noise and sing out in praise, being completely mindful of that fact that there is always more at work than what I can see in the world.

I was never more reminded of this when one day at work I was super busy and super stressed.  I couldn’t keep up, I was running behind, I was taking on hard cases and knew that it was all adding up to a 14 hour work day.   I got crabby and upset and focused on the hectic scene.  Somehow in that whole day I had missed a truly beautiful scene of the staff comforting, crying with, and sharing stories with a really wonderful client who had suddenly just lost her son.  I was drowning in myself as they were lifting her up.  I don’t want to be so caught up in the noise of the day that doesn’t really matter in the long run, and miss out on the beauty of what we are here to do…to love one another.  To look beyond the rush of the day and let God’s spirit show me what to be concerned about and what to be fired up about.  To be spent on the eternal and not consumed by the temporal.

I was reminded on this subject in my Bible readings this week.  Praise God for never growing tired of trying to get me to listen to Him! Over and over God was drawing me to places in scripture where He made the earth shake, and to where the temple veil was torn.  Of course the obvious one that puts the two together is Matthew 27:51 right after Jesus died: “At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom.  The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open.”  Then there is Acts 4:29-31 after Peter and some disciples had been released from jail and persecution from the priests and scribes, “’Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.  Stretch out your hand to heal and perform signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus.’ After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word of God boldly.”  And one more: Hebrews 10:19 “Therefore, brothers, since through the blood of Jesus we have confidence of entrance into the sanctuary by the new and living way he opened for us through the veil, that is, his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us approach with a sincere heart and in absolute trust.”

In the first 2 verses, God shook the earth with His mighty power only after there had been suffering.  He used the craziness, the brokenness, and what the “world” considered to be a loss, to glorify His name with all boldness shortly after.  What I’m trying to say is that there is a lot going on behind the scenes on your bad days.  I don’t want to be too busy being caught up in my own pity and sorrows to miss the earth quake shortly after.  I don’t want to miss that learning opportunity to break through the darkness to visualize and learn from the light.  I don’t want to miss the training on how to be fearless and bold in my faith.  Hebrews says that now, “let us approach with a sincere heart and in absolute trust.”  Now that Christ’s sacrifice had torn the veil between us and God in two, we are able to approach God and see beyond the ordinary bad day.  We are able to rise above the daily noise and see what God is up to.  We don’t have to recap our days by just saying, “yep, it was another bad, hard day. “.   Instead we can say, “yeah, today was hard, but God showed me this!”.  Every opportunity to learn more about God and grow closer to him, grow more mature in the faith, is a blowing force at the gates of Hell.  I believe it is powerful enough to cause a quake in the spiritual realms.  “See that you do not reject the one who speaks…..His voice shook the earth at that time, but now He has promised ‘I will once more shake not only earth but heaven.’”.   My prayer is this, that God shows us all to become “movers and shakers”….to move beyond what is seen and make waves in the unseen.

From the song, “Great I AM”:
“The Mountains shake before Him, the demons run and flee
At the mention of the name King of Majesty.
There is no power and Hell
Or any who can stand

Before the power and the presence of the Great I AM.”

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Lessons at Wal-mart

I wrote this in my journal after an experience leaving Wal-mart and thought it was something to be shared. Enjoy:

"Dear God,
I thank you for speaking to me.  I love when you guide me to "pay attention" moments.  I was just praying about a situation I came across a few days ago that as soon as it happened, I knew there was a deeper meaning to be found.  I was coming out of Wal-mart and it was nightime and a little rainy.  I just stepped out of the doors.  I see this little boy, probably about 2-3 years old, sitting on his daddy's shoulders, and the boy is just looking at every person in site waving and saying, "HI! HI! HI! HI! HI!" over and over again with a huge smile on his face.  He was so cute, I couldn't help but smile and wave.
I was just praying, currently on a flight to Florida, and that scene came back so I decided to pray about it.  You started feeding me with insight and I love it!  First, you asked me to notice how i felt: I felt overjoyed, it made my heart leap with happiness that this little boy was so excited to say Hi to me.  I felt acknowledged and encouraged.  Then you turned me towards focusing on how this little boy was able to do this.  You spoke about his innocence, no fear of rejection because he was clearly loved by his family and society had not yet engraved rejection into his heart....he had no walls built up.  He valued and respected every person he saw and wanted to know them or at least let them know they were important enough to be greeted.  Then you asked me, "and how was he positioned?".  He was on top of his father, fully supported, legs off the ground and dangling, clinging to his shoulders with one hand.  What a great picture of fearlessness and love.  You, as our Father, give us Your support, Your shoulders, every day.  But how often do I actually climb aboard?  How often do I join in on what you are already doing, how You are already moving during that day?  What holds me back from talking to a neighbor, stranger, or acquaintance is fear of rejection that they may thinking I'm weird because i'm smiling and saying hi to them.  Or is it because I'm scared I wouldn't be able to carry out the conversation.  Why try because it's so much more comfortable on the ground level that I'm used to.  It's way less scary than being lifted up and exposed (vulnerable to others).  God, you are so good.  You loved your children so much that You yearn for us to hop on Your shoulders every day.  You want us to fearlessly trust You so that we can acknowledge the goodness of others by even a simple act of greeting.  You will use us when we jump on board, fully supported and guided by You.  I pray that I can daily allow You to sweep me off my feet and allow them to dangle: allowing You full power to take me wherever and to whoever You would lead knowing that despite rejection, pain, or any misfortune that may come my way, I can find rest and comfort by gripping on to your shoulders.  Did I mention it was also dark outside, but that little guy shone as bright as the day.  Warm, genuine love will always cast out darkness.  That little boy's boldness and excitement for welcoming others shone a great warm light into me that left me giddy.  I pray that my life may mimic that little boys' fearlessness and love.  Thank you for never ceasing to want to teach me.  I love learning from You.
Love always,
Your Heidi"

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Nothing You!

                Do you ever feel like something is so extremely simple, yet so profound.  What God is teaching me now is exactly that.  About two months ago, I heard the Third Day song which goes, “Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you, Lord” over and over.  I had heard this song numerous times throughout my life but in this particular instance on this specific day, the song grabbed me and stopped me dead in my tracks.  I said, Yeah…that’s so true! NOTHING compares to knowing Jesus and I thought, “how am I currently living my life in accordance with this truth?”.  Am I living my life as if nothing truly compares to spending time with God, reading His word, asking the spirit to move in my life and out through my actions?  Or am I getting lost in the noise of today’s culture?
                Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37).  Now I had skipped over this verse many many times before saying…yeah yeah I know I know…but when I really dove deep into this verse, I fell short in oh so many ways!  I felt God leading me to do a little exercise: I wrote on a piece of paper and circled “heart”, “soul”, and “mind”.  Then, around each item I wrote the answer to the question “What is holding me back from loving God with my WHOLE heart….mind…soul”?.  This was truly an eyeopener… heart was held back by things like fear, my own desires, what society says my desires should be, my own way.  My soul held back by distrust, distractions of daily life, little “annoyances”, bitterness.  My mind held back by (oh, so many things!) lack of boldness in Christ, my way, gossip, worrying, insecurities, tv/entertainment, lust.  Then beside each of these things I wrote what I felt God wanted me to do to rid myself of these hurdles…..and you know what it all boiled down to: spending time in prayer with God and reading His word.  It’s so simple, yet so many of us will fight everything and everyone to have that time to watch “Dancing with the Stars” or stand in line to see the latest “Twilight” movie but we won’t lift a hand in battle for time with our God.  And don’t get me started on how many hours I waste watching The Real Housewives of Orange County! But, you see, when you start to know God, He will show you how to love Him.  He will guide you by calling you to rid yourself of distraction and draw joy and strength from the source.  He will be your Shepherd and you will be his lamb and nothing “will snatch (us)out of (his) Hand” (John 10: 29).  
                If you are wholeheartedly seeking God, I promise you He will convict you sincerely of how you spend your time.  Recently, we had a big storm.  I made sure to unplug my computer, my phone….but didn’t really think about my tv or playstation.  They were plugged into a surge protector anyway.  I woke up the next morning, tv dead.  My playstation which was plugged into the same surge protector was absolutely fine.  Nothing else got zapped except my tv.  Now I thought I was doing good with giving up so much tv, but when I was completely without it, I realized just how much I had been using it to fill some empty space.  All of a sudden, I had more time to spend with God, reading His word, catching up with friends, going outside and running.  God took out my tv to show me, “yes, you were doing good by cutting back on tv, but now you see that you have more to give up.” (Just so happened that this same week, the women’s study I was on this exact same “tv” topic….God knows that sometimes has to hit me 2..3..times before I fully get it…but He does…….He is SOOO good!)
                We were made in the “image and likeness” of God and therefore were designed to crave our Creator.  Pastor Joe once said that if you aren’t craving God, then you are filling yourself up with something else.  What is that something else for you?  Is it money, fame, alcohol, tv, a relationship,  lust?  Is it yourself?  God has had a funny way recently of saying, “I love you, but it’s not about you!”  There have been many a time when I have gotten in the way of my own knowledge of God. 
                What is it that you are placing as the top priority in your life?  We were created to love God, then love one another.  If God is not at the top of your priority list, then I challenge you to be honest, find out what is, and make a move to put your relationship with God first.  If you don’t, you will continue to come up empty in your search for fulfillment and joy in life.  BUT, Cool things will happen if you do.  He’s gonna show you just how beautiful you are and that no matter what sins you’ve committed, He has always and will always love you because He died so that those sins could be washed away.  He loves you so much that He’s also gonna show you where you could use a little work (very humbling but in the end rewarding I promise!).  Then, He’s gonna show you how He wants to use your life.  When you move towards God, He’s gonna start moving in your life.  He’s gonna start using you and let me tell you that nothing compares to the joy of being a servant of the most High. 
                Just last week, the same Third Day song was playing on the radio.  I was listening to the chorus as they sang “Nothing compares to the greatness of knowing you Lord” when I heard in my heart God say, “Heidi, I cannot wait until you truly believe this.”  In my heart I know God was lovingly telling me that although I still have much work to do, I can believe in the hope that one day I will be able to stand up and say with sincere honesty that NOTHING compares to knowing my God.  I can’t wait either, God! 
“It is not that I have already taken hold of it or have already attained perfect maturity, but I continue my pursuit in hope that I may possess it, since I have indeed been taken possession of by Christ.”Philippians 3:12